Missing Her Desperately

Just heard the news about Ami Schaheera died because of leukemia at Hospital Ampang this morning. I never knew her before this until one of my friends said that she was one of the popular fashion designer here in Malaysia. Somehow this shocking news remind me of my late mother who passed away almost 2 months ago in the same ward, in the same hospital.

The Haematological ward is on the 8th floor of Hospital Ampang, being the most secure ward they really limit the visitor as one person only can take care of the patient for 24/7. Yes, it was me who was taking care of her for the first 2 weeks and continued by my big brother for another 2 weeks until her live ended.

During the first 2 weeks, my late mother was quite energetic for me just like what she used to be before the diagnosis of severe aplastic anemia released. But apparently, she looked very anxious sometimes depressed due to her condition not knowing what will she face in the future, either cure or not.

We, including my father and other relatives as well as her friends always kept supporting and trying so hard to make her feel very warmth and calm. But how supposed we expect her to be when none of the treatment showed good progression.

During one month taking care of her, on and off alternating with my father and brother, we always heard the bad news from the room nearby my late mother's room. One by one patient nearby in the Hematological ward died and seriously most of them due to leukemia, the life-threatening bone cancer.

Since my late mother have been diagnosed a very rare cases which about only 8 cases per year in that Specialized Hematological Hospital Ampang, we felt so grateful that its not a cancer and she will be fine in the future. We were very OPTIMISTIC back then. But who are we to plan everything? Good insight and positive thinking were once to be the most difficult part in that matter of her serious condition. She always asked me, "Can I live a healthy life like before?". Literally, I just answered, "Yes, you will. You will come back to Shah Alam, live with me and I am willing to take care of you everyday until you completely cure".

At the end of 2 weeks before I passed the 24/7 besides her to my brother, my late mother told us she was being told by the specialist that she will be discharged on Monday, its about another 3-4 days more. At that time, we couldn't be more happier to see her live a life with full of her admirable daily activities. A day before she was supposed to be discharged, suddenly her condition becoming more serious. She developed a condition called Hemoptysis (coughing blood) and Hematuria (blood in urine) and deep inside my instinct with her condition as an immunocompromised patient, I knew this will be a prognosis that never been better. I just kept praying and trying so hard told the others not to worry about and please kept praying for her.

And one last day before she passed away she told us that she wanted to go home. "Esok Imi nak balik Shah Alam,". "Kenapa Imi? Doktor kata Imi dah sembuh ke boleh balik?", I answered. "Tak tahulah....", she replied clueless. Yes, she did come back to Shah Alam the next day but with heart stopped and eyes closed.

I miss her desperately every single day and believe that Allah loves her so much.

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